Yesterday Morning at 8:06am
Yesterday morning at 8:06am, I received an email. An email from someone I don't know, someone who reads this blog. The email was short and consisted of a single question: Would you be able to answer some questions about your decision to take a year off from drinking from a quiet blog reader? I never comment but am curious about your decision personally.
It wasn't until I opened this email that I realized that yesterday was my eight month A Year Without Wine anniversary. That's right; I've been dry for 75% of a year. I smiled when I remembered this and emailed back: Sure. So timely too because I am pondering my "eight month post" for tomorrow. Fire away!
Not long after, I received the following words, words my new friend agreed to let me publish here today:
There's a piece of me that thinks I have a borderline problem. Was that part of your decision, too? I know you say it was a choice--so let me emphasize the word borderline. I'll explain my situation.
I have a job--a good, productive one, and I'm successful at it. I have 2 gorgeous children, 4 and 2. A full life, for sure. I also love wine, champagne and other liquid treats. I have a drink at least 5 days a week, maybe just one glass on a mid week night but sometimes 3, 4, or even 5 on a weekend. I have a hefty tolerance however and rarely am I actually drunk-drunk. The mornings following a few drink night, I feel thick, heavy. I've never actually neglected work or family to drink, but I do find myself rushing through bedtime routines so I can settle in with my husband for the night, which usually means wine.
Reading your blog makes me think this is where you were. I want to be present and engaged in my life, and I'd also like to be 5 pounds lighter (thinking about 15 drinks a week multiplied my 150 calories apiece--ouch!!) On the other side of the coin, I truly don't think I could life a life without alcohol. It's part of our life, in a good way--we really enjoy it. It's not a 2 buck chuck house. :) Did you take a break as a way of hitting the re-set button? Maybe I should, too. Maybe not a year, but a week, to start, or a month. Then I think about my husband's birthday in 2 weeks, or or or.. but isn't that just an excuse?
Really appreciate your thoughts.
I read these words and one word repeated itself in my head. Yes. Yes. Yes. Honestly? I could have written this. And so, though I was busy dancing my Sunday jig, shuttling the wee ones to gymnastics, tripping over toys and queuing up cartoons, I wrote a quick note back. Yes, this was me. And this year has been one big re-set.
I am realizing that the universe works in wonderful ways. I had all but forgotten about my no-wine-calendar, but then in pops a thoughtful note, a reminder of this thing I am doing, this thing I am not doing, and I realize that even though I am in a good groove, it was mere months ago - eight to be exact - that I was struggling, wondering if I was truly okay, racing through bedtime to drink my wine, waking up many mornings in that thick fog of regret, feeling thunderous bursts of guilt and remorse.
That was me then.
This is her now.
Maybe, just maybe, it is many of us?
Thank you, my new friend, for writing that email, for snapping me from my Sunday morning complacency, for reminding me of the reasons I am doing this thing I am doing, not doing this thing I am not doing.
I will be back later today or tomorrow with answers to the above questions as well as my more personal eight month thoughts, but this morning I felt strongly about sharing this. I am realizing that it continues to be vital to check in here about my drinking days, and these dry ones, too.
{Eight months, baby!}
Can you relate to any of my anonymous friend's words? Have you ever worried about any of your own habits, drinking or otherwise? Do you enjoy reading my posts about my Year Without Wine or do you find them too personal and/or preachy somehow? Honestly, I would like to dig deeper and write more about my thoughts on all of this, but find myself hesitating for some reason...