If the World Were Perfect
If the world were perfect, if everything went according to plan, I would have a 9-year-old tomorrow. It isn't. It didn't. I won't. May 8th, 2006 was my first due date. I remember my OB doing the math in her examination room, telling me this. I remember realizing that I would become a mom right around Mother's Day. I remember thinking this would be perfect. I remember giddily plugging this date into BabyCenter.com and signing up for weekly development updates. Each week, I looked forward to learning how big my baby was.
At seven weeks, we heard the heartbeat, rhythmic and strong. At 11 weeks, I waited on the table to hear it again. I fixated on the screen and saw a grainy blob, but nothing moved. My doctor's face was still and sad. I don't see a heartbeat, she said...
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